it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
