I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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