I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
