Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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