Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Enjoy the penises
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
