Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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