she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
