i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
