it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
