I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
