I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The Olympian is in my bed
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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