my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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