I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Randomize
