I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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