I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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