I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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