Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
