I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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