I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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