Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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