You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
