After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
