from now on my penis is your penis
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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