Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
