The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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