i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
