This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize