I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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