He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize