you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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