Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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