OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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