so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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