Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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