I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
