you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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