He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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