I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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