drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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