Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
