I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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