The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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