sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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