I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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