You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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