Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
