im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
