I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
