I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
