No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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