I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
