he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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