im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
