Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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