I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
