What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
