Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
