just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
