Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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