I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
