we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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