You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
