so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
