you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got inside last night via doggy door
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
