ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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