Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
