I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
