Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
