I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
