dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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