My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
