i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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