If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We had to coat check the pizza.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
