Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just pee around me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
