well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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