I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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