you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
