i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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