We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
