did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
