Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
