FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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