margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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